I wanna ask you if it’s true, but I’ve got no clue what I’d do then .. So I probably won’t ask.

I told you a couple of my deepest secrets. I know you don’t see how big, bad and ugly they really are and what they do to me, but it does mean a lot to me. 

This is stupid, this is all not like me. And I keep doubting how much I wanna change. Like, I do, and I have to, there’s no other way anymore. I’m out of options. But I have no clue how to be different. It’s been this and only this to hold on to for so long now.. I am nobody ells, I have no clue how to be anyone ells, or how to become one.

The idea that you might only want me for my body, while I’m giving up and changing everything to make this (and life) real is rather killing

Makes me wanna …